What is our responsibility to Consciousness?
5 Steps to Transform Learned Behaviors
Consciousness is our ever expanding guide to transformation.
I always think an explanation of terms is in order when talking about awareness and emotional intelligence.
When I speak of consciousness I am referring to a personal awareness of all that contains the self. For instance, I have a body, mind, emotions, life experience and personal proclivities. And yet there is something else that is also me.
This other part is Awareness of Thinking. I am aware that many of my thoughts have been informed by my past and they have the potential to change or continue to harm me. Some call this the observer, one facet on the jewel of consciousness.
As the observer, I become aware of how my actions may be affected by my thoughts and how this systemic network of life experiences, beliefs, thoughts and actions might affect others. So all of this personal awareness sprinkled in with a bit of the unknown is what I mean by consciousness.
I believe consciousness is ever expanding and evolving.
The question up for discuss here is, "What is our responsibility to consciousness?" When we become aware of the learned behavior that is painful and keeps us from accessing what we desire in life, consciousness has brought it to our attention.
Growing up in an environment where love, care and attention could be turned on and off as easily and as quickly as the kitchen sink without any logical reasoning is not uncommon. Historically, I entered relationships that felt familiar to my upbringing. Now I make conscious decisions to be with someone who is even, steady and consistent. That has brought to light my skillset of withdrawing love and going stone cold.
Although, I was in many ways aware of this fine skill I learned from childhood, it never felt like a big deal because those I was partnered with also acted that way and I could blame them. Until now.
When Consciousness sees habits it can get personal. This leads to the shame, blame spiral. And we either blame someone else, or look for a way to escape the truth. It's when we notice this closesly, that its time to take responsibility. Many people think they need to keep looking at the pain and keep looking at the pain.
At any point, we can choose to take responsibility for the light that consciousness has shed on our harmful tendencies.
Here's a little guide I've written for myself to shift behaviors:
Acknowledge WHY. Motivations is key to change. Think of what you might lose, if you don't change. Reflect on the repeat patterns that this behavior creates. "I could continue to be in relationships that are hot and cold, feeling lonely, isolated and eventually splitting ways. I don't want to pass this down to my daughter"
Anchor into what you really want. The opposite of what you don't want is what you do want. Write a statement about it. "I want a deep and vulnerable relationship that builds trust over time and nourishes me beyond my expectations."
Know You're in a Place You can Trust. Physically, mentally and emotionally, trust is needed to make the necessary changes. Lack of trust is usually what drives us into the habits we are trying to change, so practice building trust one step at a time. Identify and remind yourself when there are no real threats. Appreciate the moments you can trust.
See Yourself Doing it Differently. Visualize yourself being triggered in future situation. Notice the feelings that come up. See how you would normally respond. Given the space and time you have to visualize this, create a new way to respond. Get creative and use your imagination. What results might come from responding a different way? The more you change the feeling from triggered to positive outcome the more free you become from learned behaviors.
Be Patient with Yourself. New habits take time to break. Don't get discouraged if you don't succeed on the first attempt. Patience is the opposite of anger. Like toddlers trying to fit a key in a lock, we can get frustrated and stumble. Embrace a beginners mind, open to the experience. Keep trying. Don't give up.
Consciousness brings to our attention old ways of thinking and behaving that exist as our inner road blocks. If we are open to self-development, we can clear lifetimes of ancestral karma. The motivation to change can come from looking at the difficulties these patterns bring and then focusing on what we want, while visualizing it as we build trust and patience in ourselves to become a more refined version of ourselves.
Does the self work ever end? 20 years and I'm still just beginning.
Love Connection and Freedom, Summer